Losing Your Mind? You Might be Growing.

Read time: 7 minutes

Hey, welcome back.

Last week, we explored the strategic advantages of being a beginner and how embracing "terrible" can unlock unique insights.

​You can read that (and all past issues, here).

By the way, if you're finding these insights helpful, I've started collecting all these tools, resources, and one-sheets in the ever-growing 'Science of Success' vault. Check it out here for additional materials on today's topic and more.

Today, I want to dive into something I tweeted recently that seemed to hit a nerve:

"Growth feels like losing your mind because you are. Your old one wasn't designed for your new reality."

This simple observation gathered several shares, and the responses revealed something profound: we're collectively experiencing this disorienting transformation but rarely talk about it honestly.

Brace yourselves, this is going to be a long one.

The Discomfort of Evolution

Think about the last time you underwent significant personal growth. Maybe you stepped into a leadership role, became a parent, or built a company. Did it feel like a smooth, comfortable transition? Or did it feel like your sense of self was being dismantled?

For me, it was the latter. When I started Heights after my previous company crashed, I found myself caught between versions of myself – the old identity crumbling while the new one hadn't fully formed. The liminal space between who you were and who you're becoming is profoundly uncomfortable.

This isn't just psychological poetry. It's neurologically accurate. Your brain physically reorganizes when you're in rapid growth phases, building new neural pathways while pruning others. What feels like "losing your mind" is actually your brain restructuring to accommodate a new reality.

The question isn't how to avoid this discomfort – it's how to navigate it productively rather than retreating back to the comfort of your old self.

7 Actions to Manifest Your New Reality

Here's what I've learned about effectively moving through this transformation, both from my own journey and from the entrepreneurs and leaders I've interviewed:

1. Document Your Endings

Before embracing your new self, consciously close the chapter on your old identity. Write a letter to your former self, acknowledging what you're leaving behind. Research shows this ritual separation helps the brain process transition.

What skills served you well but are no longer relevant? What beliefs once protected you but now limit you? What identities are you outgrowing?

Sheryl Sandberg did this publicly when transitioning from Google to Facebook, candidly acknowledging the fear of leaving her established identity behind. This deliberate ending gave her permission to fully inhabit her new role.

2. Reframe Discomfort as a Progress Indicator

That disorienting feeling of not knowing who you are anymore? It's not a warning sign – it's a progress indicator. When you feel most untethered from your old identity, you're likely at the precipice of breakthrough.

Sara Blakely, Spanx founder, calls this the "squirm zone" – the uncomfortable space where growth happens. She deliberately seeks out situations that make her squirm, using discomfort as a compass pointing toward expansion.

3. Create Scaffolding for Your New Reality

While your new identity is forming, build external structures to reinforce it. This includes:

• Environmental design (create physical spaces that reflect your new reality)
• Language patterns (adopt the vocabulary of your destination identity)
• Relationship curation (spend time with people who see you as your emerging self)

When Satya Nadella took over as Microsoft CEO, he immediately changed his office setup, reading materials, and meeting structures – creating external scaffolding while his internal leadership identity solidified.

4. Identify Your Identity Anchors

During profound change, certain core values remain constant. Identify 3-5 non-negotiable principles that transcend your transformation. These identity anchors provide continuity amidst change.

For me, these anchors include intellectual curiosity, empathy, and creative problem-solving. Even as other aspects of my identity shifted dramatically, these principles remained constant, providing stability during change.

5. Practice Deliberate Disidentification

Actively practice separating your sense of self from habits, thoughts, and roles that no longer serve you. When you catch yourself slipping into old patterns, try this mantra: "That's not me anymore."

This isn't about denying your past. It's about consciously choosing which elements to carry forward and which to leave behind.

Former Navy SEAL and author David Goggins practiced this radical disidentification, deliberately separating himself from his past identity to build extraordinary mental toughness. His mantra: "I'm not the old me. I'm who I'm becoming."

6. Create Small Wins in Your New Context

Design attainable challenges that allow you to experience success in your emerging identity. These small wins create positive feedback loops that accelerate neurological restructuring.

When Brené Brown transitioned from academic researcher to public figure, she deliberately created small speaking engagements before attempting larger stages, building confidence in her new identity through incremental success.

7. Embrace Beginner's Mind in Expert Contexts

As you inhabit your new reality, resist the urge to fake expertise. Instead, leverage your unique perspective as someone seeing things with fresh eyes.

Jeff Bezos institutionalized this at Amazon with his "Day 1" philosophy – maintaining a beginner's mindset even as the company became an industry giant. This deliberate "beginnerism" allows for continued transformation rather than identity calcification.

The Evolutionary Advantage

What's remarkable about human cognition is that we can actually accelerate this transformation through conscious practice. We don't have to wait for the slow process of circumstantial adaptation – we can deliberately cultivate our emerging selves.

This explains why some people seem to leap into new identities while others get stuck in developmental loops. The difference isn't capacity – it's whether they're actively participating in their transformation or passively hoping it will happen to them.

A Question to Carry Forward

As you move into your week, consider this:

What aspect of your old identity are you clinging to that's incompatible with who you're becoming?

This might be a belief about your capabilities, a habit that once served you, or a relationship dynamic that reinforced your former self. Identifying this conflict is the first step toward resolving it.

Until Thursday,

Dan

P.S. Growth doesn't mean abandoning everything about your past self. The most successful transformations integrate the best elements of who you were into who you're becoming. I'd love to hear which parts of your former identity you're deliberately carrying forward into your new reality.

SOS (Science of Success) Curated:

LinkedIn of the week: 5 Hard Truths About Work-Life Boundaries That No One Tells You.​

Podcast of the week: Business Lessons From Youngest Self-Made Female Billionaire in America.​

My Tweet of the week: Growth Feels Like You're Losing Your Mind Because You Are. ​

The Neuroscience of Identity Transformation

Recent neuroscience research provides fascinating insights into why growth feels so disorienting. A landmark study from University College London found that major life transitions trigger a process called "synaptic pruning" – where the brain actually eliminates neural connections no longer relevant to your new reality.

This biological restructuring explains the cognitive dissonance we experience during rapid growth. Our brains are literally rewiring, dismantling old neural pathways while constructing new ones. The feeling of "losing your mind" isn't just psychological – it's a neurological reality.

Particularly interesting is the role of the default mode network (DMN) – the brain regions associated with self-perception and identity. Brain imaging studies show that during periods of significant personal transformation, DMN activity becomes temporarily disrupted, contributing to the sensation of identity dissolution.

However, this disruption serves a purpose. The temporary destabilization allows for greater cognitive flexibility and novel connections – exactly what's needed for adaptation to new circumstances. In other words, the discomfort of transformation is a feature, not a bug, of the growth process.

This research suggests that actively leaning into the discomfort, rather than retreating from it, accelerates the neurological adaptation necessary for lasting transformation. The fastest path through identity change isn't avoiding the discomfort of cognitive restructuring – it's embracing it as evidence that your brain is successfully adapting to your new reality.

What does it take to go from thinking "I’m not the type to start a company" to building a $2.5B startup that serves over 10,000 businesses?

Christina Cacioppo, founder & CEO of Vanta, shares her raw and remarkable journey in this episode of Secret Leaders In this candid interview, we dive into Christina’s path from Stanford to Silicon Valley royalty—funding startups like Twitter and Etsy, then jumping into the deep end to teach herself to code. Learn how she went from solo builder to unicorn founder, the scrappy early days of Vanta, why she waited until $10M ARR to raise funds, and the lessons she picked up alongside the founders of OpenSea and Substack at Y Combinator.
​

Topics We Cover:

• Leaving a dream VC job to learn to code
• Building failed side projects and what they taught her
• Working at Dropbox during hypergrowth
• The real story behind launching Vanta
• Why “doing things that don’t scale” worked
• AI at Vanta and what’s next
• Overcoming imposter syndrome as a young female founder

​Listen now ​

Until next week - smash your success,

Dan

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1-1 Coaching with Dan

In my goal to help more entrepreneurs/people who are looking to level up their careers, I've just started taking 1-1 consulting calls (only 1 a week)

Why book a call? Some of my expertise/success:

I've built 5 startups. 1 win, 1 fail, and 3 still going.

E-Commerce: Heights — with revenue over $15M a year.

Community: Foundrs, one of the UK's top founder communities

Podcasting: Leaders Media - bootstrapped media company that makes the UK's top business podcasts, Secret Leaders, with over 50M downloads.

Health/Mental Health: Managed to overcome burnout, insomnia, depression & anxiety in pursuit of success as I talk about in my interview with Steven Bartlett on Diary of a CEO​

Angel Investing: I've invested in over 90 startups

Coached & Mentored: Certified coach & done lots of mentoring

Personal Brand: Have grown to 178k on LinkedIn and X (Twitter) in the past 12 months

So if you're interested in booking a session with me to talk all things business or building a personal brand, book for 30-minutes or 45-minutes. (limited spots).

Science of Success Vault

I'm building a vault of valuable tools, resources, and one sheets that I hope help you succeed.

These will be stored in the ever-growing 'Science of Success' vault — you can always access that here

Want to take your success (even more) seriously? 👇​
🧠 Fuel your brain and feed your gut, try Heights here (use code 'SOSDMS' for 15% off your first month of any subscription

🎧 Check out my podcast Secret Leaders here​

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